put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
