how do flat chested girls get laid?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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