id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
He felt like a one man threesome
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Randomize
