Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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