ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
