I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
