His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
