So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
