My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
