i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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