What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
