once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
