Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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