You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
