Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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