the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
