I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
