There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
