I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
