i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize