I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
