He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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