u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Can you bring me the toilet please
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
