There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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