Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
