Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
