My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
