She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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