Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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