if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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