Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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