don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
