I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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