i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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