what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Everything about him screamed your future.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
