took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
