can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
this must be what syphilis tastes like
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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