I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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