I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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