Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
