MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
