upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
