you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
