im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
