Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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