Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
