So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
