Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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