T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
my liver is dry heaving
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
