yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
