it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
