Kiss
Puke
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Randomize
