I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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