Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
