I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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