It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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