btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
