how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
